The lucky dance verbalized

Lost Apology

Sat, 08 Oct 2011 15:37:23 GMT

Secondspeak

Sat, 08 Oct 2011 15:36:43 GMT

me speed painting

Fri, 07 Oct 2011 17:19:49 GMT

Thu, 28 Oct 2010 20:31:19 GMT

been forever since i've posted! sorry!!!

i'm a week away from my due date! :) kinda just waiting at this point.

but i've done some wrapping up of music stuffs... i have two albums on itunes http://itunes.apple.com/us/album/second-glances/id390398090 and created a radio station on lastfm (i'm not sure just how accurate the tags are since 'spoken word' can just be musicless?) whatever... if anyone gets time and wants to check it out here's the link http://www.last.fm/listen/artist/kelly%2Banne%2Bhoward/similarartists

we did a belly cast the other night. i'll post pics soon of the results. ! :D

best of thoughts, all!

live street performances

Tue, 27 Apr 2010 03:04:01 GMT

video of us playing live downtown earlier in the month. the audio sucks. you can't hear the guitars or vocals because of where she was standing when she shot the video but... whatever. still nice to share.

one of the 1st songs we did. the audio sounds a little better but i forgot my own change :d know it now, though! :) all in fun.

long time no post

Sun, 25 Apr 2010 21:55:14 GMT

been awhile since i posted. sorry! so much has happened.

pregnancy has really thrown me for a loop. i was super nauseated for the 1st 3 months. now, it's only when i sleep (thank goodness!). the dreams i have every night are amazingly vivid and cinematic. i pee every 30 minutes :o, my gums are bleeding, the slightest thing sends me to bed for a week to recover. and my hormones have me so crazy and UNfun to be around i had to export myself to my mom's for care... after, i quit my job (of course :S) i sorta feel like i'm getting a better grip on things now. but, we'll see. as soon as i think i've become accustomed to the symptoms they go a' changin' into something else.

but, at the moment... i'm happy. yay! i'm baking a marble cake and lemon cupcakes for my b-day bash tonight. the new bike i just bought that was stolen from my carport got replaced by a wonderful, generous stranger and i'm feeling very appreciative. we're buying a more practical car for the baby tomorrow and older ford taurus. i had a '93 my grandmother had gifted me in the early 2000's and the car literally saved my life. i had it 3 months before someone crashed into me sending me flying in reverse, 70 mph on a very high, very long bridge in clearwater, fl. very lucky, i am... so much so a lot of the time it's so hard for me to believe that i survived that accident... i think this all must be a dream.

and may the dream unfold to encompass all that for which i had wished!

much love to all.
more later :)

hey lj! :)

Fri, 26 Feb 2010 19:54:37 GMT

it's been forever since i've blogged. ! and even though, i don't have oodles of time, at the moment, i think it's the time to put a little love into lj.

so much has been going on... adrian started his own small business making/selling little boats, fixing small craft, engine maintenance, etc. i have been working on two albums that are almost ready to release- a spoken word album and a new age/instrumental one. i'm at the point where i'm about to do the art for the covers et al and then it's done. the only thing i'd like to do is purchase a nice bass drum mic and add those tracks to all of the songs. i'm just not satisfied with my current kick sound.

on some crappier news... i purchased an amazing guitar from ebay seagull s6 + cw with fishman electronics and didn't have the money to get it set up until yesterday. well... turns out the guitar has a bowed neck. how i didn't notice that (i will be kicking myself for a LONG time) i don't know... it's unfixable. i can't play it the way it is, i thought the action was just ridiculous but the guy had done that to the action to make it playable with a bowed neck. he must've kept it in a humidified room in some jacked up position for years. the kicker... he left christian tablature in the case when he shipped it. that ain't real christian to sell a f*cked up guitar, Sir. nope. that's not what Jesus would do... i don't think anyway. so, my options there are kinda limited. the 600 dollar guitar goes to 75 very quickly. i'm going to try and trade it out in a pawn shop i don't frequent. i can't sell it to another person but i can trade in a pawn shop, that way the person who would buy it from them can SEE the bow before they buy it.

sucks because i bought it do my folk cd. which... ain't gonna be made anytime soon until i can get a quality acoustic to use. my ovation just doesn't produce the sound i'd like to hear on a folk album. i'm trying REAL hard to vibe a free/afforable larrivee. i'd appreciate any thoughts anyone could spare to help vibe that up too! just a moment to think, 'free/afforable larrivee with electronics to kelly'. and my chances will spiral! :) thanks if you do!

the weather is cold. but, i don't think i should complain about that seeing as though most of everyone else is MUCH colder. so... here's to spring wishes! :D

i'm searching for a new used car again. which... is so UNfun. it'd be soooo much more fun to shop for a NEW new car, you know? less slime involved... well, maybe the same amount of slime but the ride is so much better!

oh. ! i got a gig playing at the artwalk for a art show in april. it happened RIGHT after i finished telling my friend that i wasn't going to be playing out because i wanted to focus on finishing the albums and getting them out, etc. ironic. my friend called and offered me the gig and it's a paying gig... how can i turn that down? but then... i realized, i'z got a LOT o practicing to do! 'cuz it doesn't pay much and if i ask others to play with me i have to share the money and i'm taking the night off of work to do it... actually, loosing money but i'd sooooooooooo much rather play music than go to work. who wouldn't? i'm thinking i'm going to utilize the line 6 and the looper so i can get a plethora of sounds. the only issue is the looper doesn't have multiple patches so changing up the dynamics is more limited but who knows... maybe by then i'll scrape up the money for a boss rc 50 or i'll borrow my buddy's rc 20 and i'll use 2 of those. that would definitely work.

this is why i don't blog so much anymore... it kind of turns into me thinking out loud instead of reflecting and analyzing or sharing, explaining, etc.

lately... i bore me.

gotta go to work!
much love! :D

this is the moment.mp4

Thu, 31 Dec 2009 07:08:41 GMT

this is a collaboration with a guy i met last night. i did all the vocals although the video only shows 1 of 3 tracks.

Marionette- Original song acoustic guitar spoken word

Tue, 29 Dec 2009 07:47:42 GMT

this one is there! promise! :)

people get ready

Fri, 25 Dec 2009 05:34:14 GMT

here's my christmas gospel song :)

flyers!

Tue, 01 Dec 2009 19:08:46 GMT

OR...

?

eh... thoughts and thanksgiving :)

Wed, 25 Nov 2009 04:52:10 GMT

happy november! :D

been awhile since i updated and honestly now isn't prolly the best time to do so... not feeling overly 'happy' at the moment... not 'un'happy... maybe slightly pissy. :o

i pulled my pectoral muscle a week or more ago... or it knotted something crazy and well, that has sucked.

in other news, i got asked to play for a benefit on the 5th of december. so, i managed to scoop up some great musical friends and formed a band 'kelly & co'. there's 6 of us... and we've got an hour set of my originals. it's kind of a really cool thing. because, i've played out before with a band behind me which i concocted but... this one is a lot more focused, i actually made a scratch cd of the set for everyone to practice with on their own time. that is WHOLLY organized for me. :) and even if the turnout at the event is minimal i got a friend to video it and we've got a plan to record the sound 'decently'... so, good times! it's for a good cause. a local guy got into an accident and needs help. hopefully, we can raise money for him and have a great show! it's really a cool, cool thing to think of the opportunity... i'll have a full band behind me doing my originals... how flippin' ego-stroking! i love how i make these decisions on whims too. 'oh, sure. i'll play.' and THEN i make the phone calls... 'wanna play with me?' usu. that happens way before the booking, i'd imagine. initiation by fire! :D

the side effects (the band i play drums for) has some huge gig in febuary in which we're playing for 3 hours! i can't even imagine that. truly. :) i'll have to practice my *ss off so my body doesn't just get stuck in one position.

i've stopped painting for the meantime. just going to finish the portrait for the photographer and be done with that for awhile. i have this whole hip/hop thing in mind to do which is very different than where i am but, hey... how does one travel? by moving around. so... i seek to enhance and enlarge the compass of my being.

turkey day is in a second! we bought a huge bird and a little ham, my friend is coming over and we're going to cook all day. adrian is working :( but when he gets home he'll have drink and fine, fine foods to choose from. i'm looking forward to a little 'down' time. i normally schedule 'nothing' so that i can breathe throughout my week(s) and lately i've found myself busier than i'd like. i don't mind busy but i definitely find results super rewarding. that's probably why i do art, it's so immediate and profound... hard to imagine the same instant gratification from a grand accounting scheme, you know? i guess you would if you were an embezzler... :P

best of thoughts! :D

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 14:52:39 GMT

a new song i've been working on... it's a little different, no 'real' lyrics... just lots of freedom in sound

Iaee by KellyAnneHoward | iCompositions - Music

Posted using ShareThis

chowder debate 2009

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 17:18:38 GMT

yesterday, my friend and i went to the great chowder debate down the street. it's a fund raising event (for the shriner's children hospital) where local restaurants compete with each other and people vote, eat, sample and purchase chowders... primarily we see lots of new england clam chowder or new england crab chowder and minorican clam chowder (which is super spicy and has datil peppers in it). by the time we got there there was only minorican left. :( but, on the way there (we walked from my house)... this 80 year old Indian lady dressed in a gorgeous yellow, gold and white sari asked my friend for a dollar. we were sooo taken aback by the weirdness. we expect it from street people but: 1. not so much in my neighborhood, and 2. not from a well-dressed older immigrant who only speaks Hindi. my friend asked her if she was alright, 'did something happen? do you need help?' '1 dollar' the woman replies with her palm outstretched. 'no' my friend says. and we walk back into my house for something. and as we passed her walking to the debate, i waved and smiled. she's a neighbor! i've seen her walking around the neighborhood before. and she definitely showers and does her laundry somewhere... it occurred to me that she was charging for parking. in front of MY HOUSE! :) ha. ha.

after the event, a band started to play, and this little 80-year old african american lady with grey braids neatly tussled up on her head threw down her cane and started dancing! it made EVERYONE there completely happy and we held stupid grins the entire time. all wishing to be her when we age. rock on, gloria! rock on!

so, who won the chowder debate?! my husband's b & b took 2nd place against sluggers! ha! it's the bar/restaurant in the ramada inn! they're well known for their hot dogs and nachos. :)

Tue, 29 Sep 2009 06:47:17 GMT

i keep meaning to update and every time i try i loose interest somewhere along the way and close it out.

sorry!!!

my husband and i went to the british pub across the street tonight. i got id'd and adrian didn't. he's 8 years younger than me and doesn't look OLD... or aged maybe just mature in his style, idunno... whatever. may i always be id'd because i look so young! :) and i can't say it was because i'm short 'cuz i was sitting. but, we went because i wanted to check out their open night. it was sort of sad to see the poor guy who was running it have to play the whole time. there was really no one there and so he had to pull it through. we met the owner, who was bartending and both set up wednesdays for our bands to play. which is super cool! i told him we'd play for tips the 1st time and self-promote but he's willing to pay up to 300 bucks a night if we can pull a crowd, which... if i can concoct a 3-piece is better than serving salads and making a c-note, you know?!

adrian said he'd play bass for my band too, so that's nice. ! :) we came up with a name 'kelly & co' 'cuz i don't really ever know 'who's' going to play with me. but, i made a list the other day. i have 23 original songs that are pretty strong and another 15 covers, plus the old and instrumentals...

i ordered ozone 4 last night (in a drunken moment of passion). i've wanted it for over a year. it's an audio mastering program... basically takes everything you record and turns it into commercial volumes et al. i CANNOT wait for its arrival!!! :) i have 4 specific different audio projects that i want to see succeed. 1. a spoken word album set to original music, 2. my grassroots album- me on guitar and singing with rever on bongos or congas, what we'd sound like live when we play, 3. a produced album of what my songs would sound like if i did it track by track with not only me playing everything but whomever i deem best to do whatever and 4. a new-age instrumental album... something i have a real knack for and never really apply. i like my new age songs and i like enya... f*ck that LOVE enya & dead can dance so sc*w anyone who hates me for it! :d

i've realized recently that visual art... simply takes up too much space. words, books, etc, songs... they don't! i think about how much time it takes to produce a visual piece of art and then how much time it takes to 'house' it. too much. way too much. i'm not sure i'f i'm going to continue with visual art in the same way that i've done so in the past. when we walked home my 4 x 7 foot painting from downtown the other day i realized how dumb it is to have these huge cumbersome items that need space which in to live... and i have to work for that! stupid! very dumb...

so, i'm going to do the few commissioned pieces i have promised that i will do... and concentrate on matted prints (ready for christmas) and the music.

other than that.... i will get back to you with the fruits of my efforts! soon ! super, super... soon! :D

best of thoughts! :)

transition

Sun, 12 Jul 2009 08:06:19 GMT

the transition from the honeymoon has been stressful. i had meant to update with an entry about the reception while my memory was fresh and the honeymoon. and maybe i will... but right now, venting is prolly healthier! we came home and instantly things began to challenge us: my husband came down with ringoworm! something he MUST have picked up on our travels... my guess is from a hotel jacuzzi i didn't go in... the night of the wedding... i was so stressed out i didn't eat much, drank a bunch, laughed, smiled, hugged and then passed OUT! did i mention all the parsely in the world didn't work?! not until, well... the ceremony?! (if that doesn't make sense to you... well, it won't)

the honeymoon was amazing! we got so close in a completely different way. we went to the smokies and did family fun kind of things and were exhausted at the end of the day. we rented a car and did all things we would want to do if we could. and now, i realize that's the plan... make it happen: do what you want if you could; everything in between is a lie.

so, we come home. decide we want to move to tn. adrian gets ringworm, we're separated at night because of it, and we're newlyweds... this is stressful even though we've lived together for a few years... we're close and yet so far away.

and then, he calls me today from work and says that his best friend's dad died. a guy who was a mentor to him, and i knew who he was and all he represented to him. and i heard him cry and i cried... it's really a tragic situation i don't wish to disclose or perpetuate.

today was a hard day.

it was harder for adrian than for myself... but, i woke up and knew it sucked. i could feel it and made it so in my early moments. and then, when the 'sh*t hit the fan' and put me in my place in relation to the Universe and i felt like the *ss i can be...

i realized several times throughout the day: i want to live outside of society.

i want to feel nature and the freedom within. i want to breathe with the birds and sing with the valleys. sitting outside the cabin, on the porch, the silence enveloped me... and i felt, that maybe for the first time... i could hear myself.

i watched a show tonight '30 days'. he spends 30 days in all sorts of different lifestyles. 1 i saw he was in a prison for 30 days. the next, a coal miner. in that show, i watched the coal mining companies blow off the mountain tops of w. virginia in something called open pit mining. i KNEW about open pit mining. but, i never understood it from a real perspective.

we just came back from that mountain range... albeit, a protected area. i sat on my couch and watch them blow the tops of our mountains and became INSTANTLY OUTRAGED!!! how can we let them blow our mountains to shreds?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the 30 days guy said he watched it and was about to cry. how could you NOT?!

coal is NOT THE WAVE OF THE FUTURE! granted, these people need jobs. but it doesn't have to be in coal. if everyone/anyone could take a minute and wish/vibe/brainstorm/suggest a BETTER/GRANDER alternative PLEASE make your way to my journal to be heard.

i have to live outside of society because i don't believe in it. i don't belive in the poisoning of rivers, oceans and streams and the raping and bombing of countryside and peaks to supply energy for playstations or livejournal typing. our goal is to be in the cabin and be equip it with renewable energies by 7 months of living there. and if that doesn't happen...

well, my wedding reception was a great initiation to public life... :) [read a gadillion 3-minute conversations] i'll make it happen

flyinghigh

Tue, 07 Jul 2009 16:44:15 GMT

it looks ALOT better viewed from youtube

me indoor flying in tn

wedding thoughts

Tue, 07 Jul 2009 03:26:26 GMT

so, i'm married now!!! :D

and yes, that still excites me! :)

as the day neared, and my car broke down egging my phone to act up, the stress built upon itself. as i fixed each item a new detail would emerge much like that game with the squirrels that keep popping up everywhere as you punch them down with a padded club. and everyone kept waiting for me to explode in a bridezilla fashion. and i didn't. i got stupid. the decisions strangled my thoughts and left them where they were, dangling in my mind, in a hellraiser kind of field of view... dangling details threaded with hooks and chains... :o

and then my friends came into town... i forgot what i was supposed to do (thank goodness) and i just enjoyed them... maybe too much. i drank so much wine that felt hungover at the beginning of everyday for a week! and the only fix... more wine!

the day of the wedding, i awoke a few hours earlier than i wanted, hungover and helped my out of town friend get his car fixed. i was so tired and stressed out when i was drying my hair to get ready for the ceremony and soooo utterly tired... i closed my eyes as i dryed. i felt a rush of heat and sweat push out through my whole body and exhale through my skin. then, i felt better. who knew you could nap standing up doing something? i guess, i'm lucky i didn't discover that beforehand! :P

we were all running a bit late. the guys (yes, we saw each other the day of... even though i'm superstitious i choose not to believe in that superstition. we live together. it would be much worse NOT to see each other the day of with all the stuff that had to be done). the guys were building the altar in the backyard and getting it ready for transport and i was at the neighbors getting ready with my gals.

the photographer called me while i was getting ready. i botched that. i was supposed to get ready somewhere else but... hey, another detail, ok?! she was pissed. said no one was at the site. the guys bolted to get up there and when i arrived... they were in the parking lot drinking beers. everyone, including the bridesmaids were drinking beers. :) but i only cared that adrian was there and i couldn't get out of the car which i desperately wanted to do in that dress.

then, things happened very quickly.

i walked across the street to the wooden beach ramp and saw all my friends in their blue dresses and the pretty white bouquets in their hands. the videograhpers were shooting... i could hear the musicians over the dune and when i looked down i saw all of these people waiting for the ceremony to begin.

wow

i was... shocked dumb.

smiling, i look over and see this nice looking couple just a few feet away smiling at me. i thought, they must be friends of adrian's or my parent's. then, my mom talks to the woman and then turns to look at me. and in the moment my mom looked at me, me looking at the woman, i recognzied my oldest and dearest friend, alexa. how could i NOT recognize my best friend? i saw her a few months ago. i was in SUCH a state of shock/awe/happiness... then, i got emotional and began to tear. and my mom says, 'isn't that great that she's pregnant again?' and i had NO idea... she hadn't told me yet. and i was truly sooo happy.

and i walked down the wooden ramp to see the site unfold for the 1st time. the altar struck me first with adrian to the right and wendy behind in the middle. he made it out of wood, painted black and draped white material around it... suspended the 'truce' buoy bell we bought for the ceremony (you put it in your living room later and whenever/if ever you fight one rings the bell and it's supposed to remind you of the happiness and why you're together) hanging in the middle. the musicians to the right of that playing away sounding great. the ocean so peaceful with not a roar but a simple offering of slight tide... a gentle rush. our friends and family in the crowd, our closest lined up beside us dressed kinda close :)

wendy, my friend (who introduced us), performed the ceremony flawlessly. the words written by me and other friend were truly personal and the vows as well. when we put the rings on each other's finger she rang the bell, people blew bubbles and the musicians played. the weather was incredible. it was about to rain... in fact, it did 5 minutes after we were done taking pictures and got in the car! :D the sky was dark blue and purples with white and cornflower... and the lighting was 'magical' for that time of day/year in florida 5:30 in late june... should be really harsh natural lighting because the sun doesn't set until 8:30.

we got to the reception and it stopped raining. the sun came out and we watched it set out on the deck near the ocean. we ate, drank alot and i think, everyone had a phenomenal time. everyone loved the chocolate portrait i did. but, we didn't ceremonially cut the cake (we were too busy)... at one point i looked down a chunk of my face was missing. :P my friend made amazing cupcakes too... completely gourmet awesomeness eg coconut, orange, blah blah...

at one point during the reception, i was outside talking with someone. and i heard the dj playing def leppard's 'pour some sugar on me' and i stoppped my conversation, put up my index finger and said, 'i'll be right back'... went to the dj and instructed him that no boy hair bands should be played here tonight.... please! :D

i have alot more to add to this but i'm getting super long and even i won't want to read that later. :P

much love!!! :D
k

pushing forward

Thu, 25 Jun 2009 18:05:53 GMT

today's wild!

woke up early, rode my bike around... got ready for the videographers. they came, were very cool... dragged out a bunch of my art into the backyard and filmed us in front of it, sitting on adrian's longboard. i liked them. very arty couple, a little older, used really cool equipement modern and vintage hence their name :). i'm excited. they're coming to the rehearsal, ceremony and the reception and want us to dress in our wedding clothes at a later date to do some more filming.

they asked me if i had any art they could film.

'welcome to my world.' i said. 'careful... it's like art threw up in here!' :) and it is... there are instruments everywhere, paintings, beading supplies...

i'm trying to induce menstruation so sunday is not... 'horrific'. and i just found out. i don't own any parsley. i always thought it lame... just added to the plate for color. but NOW, my kingdom for some flippin' parsely tea!!! so, far today: I ate a bunch of ginger and seduced adrian before work... and still...

nothing.

if my car wasn't still in the shop, i would have this covered.

oh, but my phone is finally charging!!!

it's my brother's birthday today! and they thought it would be cool for everyone to come to tradewinds (where i do open mic) and hear me do what i do. we shall see how it all works out... it's an earlier activity than my family had planned for. we're all night owls!

my friends start coming in tonight!!! alfaspider in her, grand tour of amurica, and ablysstic with her man, jacob... tomorrow more arrive and wheee!

it's on! :D

uh... hmmm

Wed, 24 Jun 2009 22:19:46 GMT

so my car broke again (same thing that got fixed a week ago)... stuck in reverse. how symbolic. :P

my phone isn't charging.

and i have cramps and i am begging the Universe to let me flow NOW and not any moment later... *makes raspberry sound*

complaining bites!

i had my bachlorette party on monday night and it was a complete blast! i don't seem to remember much past 1 am... woke up with the sash still on... :P good, good times... lots and lots of red wine and dancing... pinning the penis on the target, etc...

tomorrow the videographer is coming to do some 'interviews' with us for the wedding video. huh.

and now i gotta go 'cuz i have some musical friends coming over to practice...

best of thoughts! :D

a certain anxiety

Thu, 18 Jun 2009 05:55:17 GMT

so... i'm definitely strarting to freak out a bit. i think, in large part, it's pms and... anyone who knows me knows that can be pretty frightful without any OTHER stressor... but yeah... i feel myself... idunno

i freaked out on adrian for nothing tonight. and yeah, i have some stuff... but it's really magnified... i KNOW most guys are NOT into the wedding planning and all of that. it doesn't help that my cooworker was talking about the excel spreadsheet her fiance made for their wedding in SEPTEMBER... that i'm thinking WOW... i wish i had that kind of help, you know?

we went to get our marriage license today. had to hold our hands to the air and swear to whatever she asked us. and then at the end told us how i would go about changing my name. and i had told adrian it took a bunch of money to change my name (because i thought it so and didn't really want to change it), and she goes on and on about how i should do it, and adrian pipes up, 'is there a cost to that?' and she says, 'oh, no... it's free.' and details the rest of the protcol, 'take this document to the dmv, take that license to the social security... blah blah blah'. and i say, 'but i don't have to change my name, right?' and she says, 'no.' and shoots me a disapproving look, 'but it's your only chance to do so. you'll have 3 months to decide. after that, there's no turning back.'

and i'm thinking. i could always do it at ANY time and pay 500 bucks but wow... what pressure.

and WHY do i NOT want to change my name? because i have a website entitled www.kellyannehoward.com, because i have this whole artistic enterprise based off of me, my name, my style, my voice, influence and brand... clothes, books, paintings, photographs, music, spoken word...

i just feel like i need to find some sort of legal advice on the matter. can i trademark my name? i don't think i can. i think it has to be name + something eg enterprise, productions, etc. ideally, i'd like to use my name as a public moniker and change it my married name. but, i'm unsure if i legally change my name that i won't have any rights to use it.

bizarre!!!

i rented 'bride wars' from amazon the other day (when the car was broken and i was stuck at home) and watched it on the computer. i needed something/someone to make fun off all this bullsh*t. and it IS... BS. the details are devilish because that's where the mess begins. i was always messy with my endgame... no real patience or competive spirit... i just want to play. don't have to win... and here... i need to achieve a predicted end result.

there is just to do.

i know that in so many areas of my life... what to do... and yet, find the impending leaves me distracted in avoidance of the weight.

rambles

Sun, 14 Jun 2009 18:11:56 GMT

i got out of my shift last night at the last minute because my street flooded. florida's so weird. at noon it was 98 degrees (feels like 112 with humidity they said), at 3 it turned black, rained a torrential downpour that collected in my streets with at least a foot or more of water, and the temp dropped to 68. 30 degrees and 2 feet of water later... :P so, after it drained a bit i went to the grocery store, bought fresh local shrimp (which i rarely do), stopped at the little quickimart for a pack of cigarettes, started my car, reversed it and went to put it in 1st... and the shifter just free ranged all over the place but not to any known gear. i was stuck in reverse and was in an extremely awkward position. i took my foot off the clutch. the car violently stalled. i started it back up, tried to drive... i was still in reverse. so, i parked very inappropriately, told the guy in the store i'd be back... grabbed my fresh shrimp et al and walked home.

eh.

at first, i thought it was the transmission and i walked home thinking, 'we'll liquidate all 3 cars and take a payment on a newer one.' i was in total shock. which, i think, is good for me... 'cuz i tend to emotionally react where emotion can't really help me, you know? :P this morning i got it towed. i googled it last night and i think it's just the gear lever that broke... not a big deal at all! :) yay!!! :D

bad time to be car-less. i've got some stuff to do.

i went to get my hair done for the wedding... a practice run, that is. it took 3 hours. i would bold that if i knew how. and guess what? i didn't like it. i'm 34. i don't want 'prom hair'. so... now to find a way to communicate my wishes without being offensive. i was going to dye it red and now, i'm scared to let her do that. if she liked what she did before, you know? i can't come back from dying it... not like i could go home and take out all 50 pins and 3 rubber bands! :s

i bought the crate taxi tx15 (a portable little amplifer that operates on batteries) for the wedding ceremony. one of my friends already has a peavey solo so with the flute and his guitar hooked into that... we couldn't hear the other guitarist at all. anywho, it came. i plugged it in to charge, following the instructions, and it won't charge. flippin' crate! i had heard a lot of bad things about their quality control recently. so, i had to buy a peavey solo too just to cover the loss of the crate. i'm sure they'll do 'something' to make it workable but i doubt that will be in time for the wedding.

we didn't get the band we wanted. but, i think that's probably a good thing. a band becomes a focal point, it's loud, peoplel feel 'obligated' to pay attention to the players (as it should be)... but, it's not a show. it's my wedding reception. so, we decided to go with a dj and an open stage (since the place will be full of musicians), that way people can go up and do a few songs and then the dj takes control and mc's for announcements, keeps a flow kind of a thing. plus, i'd like to play. ! ;D

my bachlorette party is next monday! i'm excited about that! i just want the crazy sex presents and all the laughs that come with that. i'm always so shocked/disturbed/amused by the things people use sexually. the farthest i ventured was to order some tantra books! :D

i ordered a kadillion beads to make necklaces for the bridal party. i dropped the iolite engagement ring, accepted an heirloom one (my grandmommy's :), and decided to incorporate the iolite into necklaces. so... i'm learning how to do that. i'll update with a photo of my 1st work of art! :D it's weird. and COOL!

we went to the mall last week to get adrian's wedding garb and we were both so horrified. i don't think i've been in a mall in 15 years. my biggest thing: it was soooooooo loud in there. and not anything specific. you couldn't hear loud voices or music, or clanging or anything you could pick out. it was white noise. like the snow on the tv. and i thought to myself, as i looked around, no one can hear this? adrian could. to me, it sounded like... when you're really sick and your own voice sounds like it's coming from a tin can on top a mountain in argentina. that's how i sounded to myself as we sat in the food court eating sushi. it gave me a wicked headache instantly!

here's where we're staying on our 2nd night of the honeymoon before we head up to the smokies. try the virtual tour! it's kinda cool. http://www.westcotthouse.com/virginia.html it's a sweet little b & b in town on the water... with private balconies to the water side and historic downtown. double jacuzzi and dual showerheads along with that decor and the color of those walls... that's what i really saw, you know? :D oh. and that horric tv. i might ask them to take that out... it's big, clunky, ugly, distracting and NOT going to be used so...

well, i should go do something productive. ... hmmm

see you soon! :D

full moon rising

Sun, 07 Jun 2009 05:52:02 GMT

crazy full moon energy abound! i began my day with this crazy nightmare of a tornado and telling adrian we have to leave and him not believing me... then, as i open the door and he sees the billowing, bustling, dark tempest he says, 'yeah, you're right! let's go.' i've saved my cat at least 10 times in various dreams this week.

i'm starting feel some stress.

i'm hoping it'll pass with the moon's phase. my day just continued in a stressful way: toothpaste in my hair, late, rain/floods, hectic/confusing worknight... but, really... i have nothing to complain about.

i'm just venting... but who wants to hear that? i certaintly don't! :D

eh. i'm feeling fragmented... like i have alllllllllllllll these things/details hovering and juggling around me and where i normally would be able to process them into priority/association... i'm barely remembering them. my world is a constant list that keeps growing my mind... this is what servers call a 'waitmare'... taking in soooooo much information and never being able to process it in any meaningful way eg you keep getting sat tables and can only take orders never reaching a computer to fulfill them. it's a most disturbing dream. but, i'm living it.

i met with a photographer today. she was really cool. she showed me her portfolio and i signed papers and such... truly we chatted like school girls with excitement. i really liked her! :) told her all about the various plans we have for the wedding... how it will probably not be very traditional... i forgot to tell her i invited another photographer as well. i probably should... when i told her that a guy contacted me to do an 'arty' film/video of the wedding she didn't look very happy. but, from my perspective... it's just people in the audience, hopefully no one will get in anyone's way... they'll be somewhat corralled. :P i mean, everyone has a different eye. i ony accepted 2 photographers. i don't think that should be an issue. everyone will be taking pictures anyway, you know?

but so i guess i agreed to the video... i am both excited and concerned simultaneously. he wanted to do 'interviews' with us separately on camera about how we met and whatever... then, i got this weird feeling like i suddenly agreed to a reality show or something. :O

i have alot to do... i'm going to take a huge posterboard and map out the days and write on them what has to be done on what day because i'm just loosing myself here... and i realize my mom always has a smaller version on her desk with bills/deadlines/dates/etc... and WOW... i guess, it makes things easier... just makes me realize how UNscheduled i am. i don't like the click of the clock... and yet, it's june 7th... this part always gives me small panic attacks.

ok. much love!
:)

morality

Thu, 04 Jun 2009 05:56:42 GMT

adrian came home tonight disheveled.... said he was 'mugged' by some 16 year olds... attempted mugging, i should say....

they accosted him ,followed him and then he reacted in violence. came home and fretted that he hurt another.

my reaction:

'i would've killed 'em'

if it were me, and they attacked me in any way, i would've defended myself to the best of my abililty and if it means they got hurt...

they would've gotten hurt.

i don't have anything else to say. he did what i would want him to do... protect himself! in the future, he should take precautions: ride his bike instead of walking... but, if it were me... what would he want me to do?

the only thing he did...

protect himself.

and i would not think on it again. when the police come and i'm covered in blood... i would tell them what happened. but, i'm not going to give my life to some 16-year olds who want some drug money easily. no.

i'll flee. and if i can't flee. i'll fight. as i would expect ANY able body to do. he was upset that he went further than he needed to... some delayed reaction from getting viciously mugged in jax beach. where the guys beat his head into the curb and broke his front teeth with a gun. so, i suggested counseling for that... but still. he did the right thing. what are you supposed to do when you're accosed with physical violence? protect yourself! he had 3 fucking dollars with him. do you think they would've believed that before they beat him silly? i don't.

and i don't think this is a violent place to live. i don't. but, like in ALL places... one needs to take precautions. if you look drunk, walking down the street alone at night... you might figure you're a walking duck. just saying... be smart, yall. get a cab, ride a bike, get a ride. whatever... just don't be stupid. i guess, being a female... i have a wholly differen perspective. i've been taught, my whole life, to avoid situations like he encountered. i walk with my key sticking out of my fist... ALWAYS, at night... i've lived in orlando and tampa and think even though jacksonville has the highest murder count... i know crime.

i was almost carjacked TWICE in orlando. i had a group of guys surround my car, one jumped on top while another slid his bike under my tires... we used to listen to the cops shooting back at whoever in tampa almost every night. my cars had almost no paint on the interior from the amount of prying by chisels or whathaveyou to get in... i am a defensive, crazy ass short b*tch.

i will attack and let the details fall into line after the fact. because i KNOW it's the best course of action for ME. but, i would avoid the situation he encountered tonight. i would not have beeb walking by myself, buzzed, after midnight. but, i'm a woman. i think it's good advice for anyone. even if there's only 12,000 people who live in your town.

but who am i talking to? :) i am going to get some little mace can for my keys though. it always helps to have the leg up. i guess this is my lj public service announcement to alert everyone to take care and stay alert.

just don't put yourself in a situtation where you wouldn't put someone you love.

that's a great thought in all things! :)

much love

uh, more wedding stuffs!

Tue, 02 Jun 2009 21:35:27 GMT

i guess everyone will be happy when this part of journal is over, huh? :P

florida REQUIRES that we read a family law handbook http://www.clk.co.st-johns.fl.us/recording/familyla.htm   before issuing us a marriage license. then, we have to wait 3 days... like we were getting a gun or something. do you think they'll test us on the info in the handbook? how do they know if we read it or not?!

i got 1/4 through it and it seems like they're almost trying to talk you out of the whole thing.

and then there are REALLY stupid sentences like 'It is more than legal permission to have consensual sexual relations with your partner.' legal permission to have consensual sex with my partner??? just how and when did the gov't take authority over the private sexual acts of adults? i guess they do still have blue laws on the books in georgia that prohibit fellatio. :D

anywho...

i'm getting really excited about the ceremony. i wrote my vows last night. and tomorrow we're having our first musicians practice for the ceremony. this one will be in the backyard and the next one will be at the beach so we can figure out how all the instruments sound against the roar of the waves and the wind and such. i love my musicial friends!!! :) i have 7 players for the ceremony: 3 hand percussionists (djembe, congas and bongos), 2 acoustic guitarists (and a looper that works on batteries!), a sax player and a flutist. we've got a little microphone and battery-powered amp for the flute. oh, yeah! it's on, baby!  :D it's going to be so hard for me to not play something with them! :)

i love your gentle character;
the patience and generousity
which pour from your actions
into the lives around you.

you teach me tolerance,
faith and acceptance,
and soothe me against a chaotic world.

i love that you will always do the right thing
even when society tells you its wrong;
and the example of morality you set
from following your heart
balances the entirety for us all...

a reminder to stay true to ourselves
and each other.

i vow to stay by your side through the grand
and the grim;
to find happiness in your smile
and saddness from your frown;
to place my heart with yours
in the decisions we make,
to listen to you,
care for you,
adore you,
fight for you,
and be your partner in all things to come.

i promise to appreciate
every moment we share
regardless of the emotion involved
or the circumstance around us;
and to thank the Universe
for aligning us in our paths
in this Divine union
of husband and wife.

our love is as seamless as the sky above
unstitched in hue or line
and i sleep each night with a smile
to know that your heart lies with mine.