The lucky dance verbalized

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 14:52:39 GMT

a new song i've been working on... it's a little different, no 'real' lyrics... just lots of freedom in sound

Iaee by KellyAnneHoward | iCompositions - Music

Posted using ShareThis

chowder debate 2009

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 17:18:38 GMT

yesterday, my friend and i went to the great chowder debate down the street. it's a fund raising event (for the shriner's children hospital) where local restaurants compete with each other and people vote, eat, sample and purchase chowders... primarily we see lots of new england clam chowder or new england crab chowder and minorican clam chowder (which is super spicy and has datil peppers in it). by the time we got there there was only minorican left. :( but, on the way there (we walked from my house)... this 80 year old Indian lady dressed in a gorgeous yellow, gold and white sari asked my friend for a dollar. we were sooo taken aback by the weirdness. we expect it from street people but: 1. not so much in my neighborhood, and 2. not from a well-dressed older immigrant who only speaks Hindi. my friend asked her if she was alright, 'did something happen? do you need help?' '1 dollar' the woman replies with her palm outstretched. 'no' my friend says. and we walk back into my house for something. and as we passed her walking to the debate, i waved and smiled. she's a neighbor! i've seen her walking around the neighborhood before. and she definitely showers and does her laundry somewhere... it occurred to me that she was charging for parking. in front of MY HOUSE! :) ha. ha.

after the event, a band started to play, and this little 80-year old african american lady with grey braids neatly tussled up on her head threw down her cane and started dancing! it made EVERYONE there completely happy and we held stupid grins the entire time. all wishing to be her when we age. rock on, gloria! rock on!

so, who won the chowder debate?! my husband's b & b took 2nd place against sluggers! ha! it's the bar/restaurant in the ramada inn! they're well known for their hot dogs and nachos. :)

Tue, 29 Sep 2009 06:47:17 GMT

i keep meaning to update and every time i try i loose interest somewhere along the way and close it out.

sorry!!!

my husband and i went to the british pub across the street tonight. i got id'd and adrian didn't. he's 8 years younger than me and doesn't look OLD... or aged maybe just mature in his style, idunno... whatever. may i always be id'd because i look so young! :) and i can't say it was because i'm short 'cuz i was sitting. but, we went because i wanted to check out their open night. it was sort of sad to see the poor guy who was running it have to play the whole time. there was really no one there and so he had to pull it through. we met the owner, who was bartending and both set up wednesdays for our bands to play. which is super cool! i told him we'd play for tips the 1st time and self-promote but he's willing to pay up to 300 bucks a night if we can pull a crowd, which... if i can concoct a 3-piece is better than serving salads and making a c-note, you know?!

adrian said he'd play bass for my band too, so that's nice. ! :) we came up with a name 'kelly & co' 'cuz i don't really ever know 'who's' going to play with me. but, i made a list the other day. i have 23 original songs that are pretty strong and another 15 covers, plus the old and instrumentals...

i ordered ozone 4 last night (in a drunken moment of passion). i've wanted it for over a year. it's an audio mastering program... basically takes everything you record and turns it into commercial volumes et al. i CANNOT wait for its arrival!!! :) i have 4 specific different audio projects that i want to see succeed. 1. a spoken word album set to original music, 2. my grassroots album- me on guitar and singing with rever on bongos or congas, what we'd sound like live when we play, 3. a produced album of what my songs would sound like if i did it track by track with not only me playing everything but whomever i deem best to do whatever and 4. a new-age instrumental album... something i have a real knack for and never really apply. i like my new age songs and i like enya... f*ck that LOVE enya & dead can dance so sc*w anyone who hates me for it! :d

i've realized recently that visual art... simply takes up too much space. words, books, etc, songs... they don't! i think about how much time it takes to produce a visual piece of art and then how much time it takes to 'house' it. too much. way too much. i'm not sure i'f i'm going to continue with visual art in the same way that i've done so in the past. when we walked home my 4 x 7 foot painting from downtown the other day i realized how dumb it is to have these huge cumbersome items that need space which in to live... and i have to work for that! stupid! very dumb...

so, i'm going to do the few commissioned pieces i have promised that i will do... and concentrate on matted prints (ready for christmas) and the music.

other than that.... i will get back to you with the fruits of my efforts! soon ! super, super... soon! :D

best of thoughts! :)

transition

Sun, 12 Jul 2009 08:06:19 GMT

the transition from the honeymoon has been stressful. i had meant to update with an entry about the reception while my memory was fresh and the honeymoon. and maybe i will... but right now, venting is prolly healthier! we came home and instantly things began to challenge us: my husband came down with ringoworm! something he MUST have picked up on our travels... my guess is from a hotel jacuzzi i didn't go in... the night of the wedding... i was so stressed out i didn't eat much, drank a bunch, laughed, smiled, hugged and then passed OUT! did i mention all the parsely in the world didn't work?! not until, well... the ceremony?! (if that doesn't make sense to you... well, it won't)

the honeymoon was amazing! we got so close in a completely different way. we went to the smokies and did family fun kind of things and were exhausted at the end of the day. we rented a car and did all things we would want to do if we could. and now, i realize that's the plan... make it happen: do what you want if you could; everything in between is a lie.

so, we come home. decide we want to move to tn. adrian gets ringworm, we're separated at night because of it, and we're newlyweds... this is stressful even though we've lived together for a few years... we're close and yet so far away.

and then, he calls me today from work and says that his best friend's dad died. a guy who was a mentor to him, and i knew who he was and all he represented to him. and i heard him cry and i cried... it's really a tragic situation i don't wish to disclose or perpetuate.

today was a hard day.

it was harder for adrian than for myself... but, i woke up and knew it sucked. i could feel it and made it so in my early moments. and then, when the 'sh*t hit the fan' and put me in my place in relation to the Universe and i felt like the *ss i can be...

i realized several times throughout the day: i want to live outside of society.

i want to feel nature and the freedom within. i want to breathe with the birds and sing with the valleys. sitting outside the cabin, on the porch, the silence enveloped me... and i felt, that maybe for the first time... i could hear myself.

i watched a show tonight '30 days'. he spends 30 days in all sorts of different lifestyles. 1 i saw he was in a prison for 30 days. the next, a coal miner. in that show, i watched the coal mining companies blow off the mountain tops of w. virginia in something called open pit mining. i KNEW about open pit mining. but, i never understood it from a real perspective.

we just came back from that mountain range... albeit, a protected area. i sat on my couch and watch them blow the tops of our mountains and became INSTANTLY OUTRAGED!!! how can we let them blow our mountains to shreds?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the 30 days guy said he watched it and was about to cry. how could you NOT?!

coal is NOT THE WAVE OF THE FUTURE! granted, these people need jobs. but it doesn't have to be in coal. if everyone/anyone could take a minute and wish/vibe/brainstorm/suggest a BETTER/GRANDER alternative PLEASE make your way to my journal to be heard.

i have to live outside of society because i don't believe in it. i don't belive in the poisoning of rivers, oceans and streams and the raping and bombing of countryside and peaks to supply energy for playstations or livejournal typing. our goal is to be in the cabin and be equip it with renewable energies by 7 months of living there. and if that doesn't happen...

well, my wedding reception was a great initiation to public life... :) [read a gadillion 3-minute conversations] i'll make it happen

flyinghigh

Tue, 07 Jul 2009 16:44:15 GMT

it looks ALOT better viewed from youtube

me indoor flying in tn

wedding thoughts

Tue, 07 Jul 2009 03:26:26 GMT

so, i'm married now!!! :D

and yes, that still excites me! :)

as the day neared, and my car broke down egging my phone to act up, the stress built upon itself. as i fixed each item a new detail would emerge much like that game with the squirrels that keep popping up everywhere as you punch them down with a padded club. and everyone kept waiting for me to explode in a bridezilla fashion. and i didn't. i got stupid. the decisions strangled my thoughts and left them where they were, dangling in my mind, in a hellraiser kind of field of view... dangling details threaded with hooks and chains... :o

and then my friends came into town... i forgot what i was supposed to do (thank goodness) and i just enjoyed them... maybe too much. i drank so much wine that felt hungover at the beginning of everyday for a week! and the only fix... more wine!

the day of the wedding, i awoke a few hours earlier than i wanted, hungover and helped my out of town friend get his car fixed. i was so tired and stressed out when i was drying my hair to get ready for the ceremony and soooo utterly tired... i closed my eyes as i dryed. i felt a rush of heat and sweat push out through my whole body and exhale through my skin. then, i felt better. who knew you could nap standing up doing something? i guess, i'm lucky i didn't discover that beforehand! :P

we were all running a bit late. the guys (yes, we saw each other the day of... even though i'm superstitious i choose not to believe in that superstition. we live together. it would be much worse NOT to see each other the day of with all the stuff that had to be done). the guys were building the altar in the backyard and getting it ready for transport and i was at the neighbors getting ready with my gals.

the photographer called me while i was getting ready. i botched that. i was supposed to get ready somewhere else but... hey, another detail, ok?! she was pissed. said no one was at the site. the guys bolted to get up there and when i arrived... they were in the parking lot drinking beers. everyone, including the bridesmaids were drinking beers. :) but i only cared that adrian was there and i couldn't get out of the car which i desperately wanted to do in that dress.

then, things happened very quickly.

i walked across the street to the wooden beach ramp and saw all my friends in their blue dresses and the pretty white bouquets in their hands. the videograhpers were shooting... i could hear the musicians over the dune and when i looked down i saw all of these people waiting for the ceremony to begin.

wow

i was... shocked dumb.

smiling, i look over and see this nice looking couple just a few feet away smiling at me. i thought, they must be friends of adrian's or my parent's. then, my mom talks to the woman and then turns to look at me. and in the moment my mom looked at me, me looking at the woman, i recognzied my oldest and dearest friend, alexa. how could i NOT recognize my best friend? i saw her a few months ago. i was in SUCH a state of shock/awe/happiness... then, i got emotional and began to tear. and my mom says, 'isn't that great that she's pregnant again?' and i had NO idea... she hadn't told me yet. and i was truly sooo happy.

and i walked down the wooden ramp to see the site unfold for the 1st time. the altar struck me first with adrian to the right and wendy behind in the middle. he made it out of wood, painted black and draped white material around it... suspended the 'truce' buoy bell we bought for the ceremony (you put it in your living room later and whenever/if ever you fight one rings the bell and it's supposed to remind you of the happiness and why you're together) hanging in the middle. the musicians to the right of that playing away sounding great. the ocean so peaceful with not a roar but a simple offering of slight tide... a gentle rush. our friends and family in the crowd, our closest lined up beside us dressed kinda close :)

wendy, my friend (who introduced us), performed the ceremony flawlessly. the words written by me and other friend were truly personal and the vows as well. when we put the rings on each other's finger she rang the bell, people blew bubbles and the musicians played. the weather was incredible. it was about to rain... in fact, it did 5 minutes after we were done taking pictures and got in the car! :D the sky was dark blue and purples with white and cornflower... and the lighting was 'magical' for that time of day/year in florida 5:30 in late june... should be really harsh natural lighting because the sun doesn't set until 8:30.

we got to the reception and it stopped raining. the sun came out and we watched it set out on the deck near the ocean. we ate, drank alot and i think, everyone had a phenomenal time. everyone loved the chocolate portrait i did. but, we didn't ceremonially cut the cake (we were too busy)... at one point i looked down a chunk of my face was missing. :P my friend made amazing cupcakes too... completely gourmet awesomeness eg coconut, orange, blah blah...

at one point during the reception, i was outside talking with someone. and i heard the dj playing def leppard's 'pour some sugar on me' and i stoppped my conversation, put up my index finger and said, 'i'll be right back'... went to the dj and instructed him that no boy hair bands should be played here tonight.... please! :D

i have alot more to add to this but i'm getting super long and even i won't want to read that later. :P

much love!!! :D
k

pushing forward

Thu, 25 Jun 2009 18:05:53 GMT

today's wild!

woke up early, rode my bike around... got ready for the videographers. they came, were very cool... dragged out a bunch of my art into the backyard and filmed us in front of it, sitting on adrian's longboard. i liked them. very arty couple, a little older, used really cool equipement modern and vintage hence their name :). i'm excited. they're coming to the rehearsal, ceremony and the reception and want us to dress in our wedding clothes at a later date to do some more filming.

they asked me if i had any art they could film.

'welcome to my world.' i said. 'careful... it's like art threw up in here!' :) and it is... there are instruments everywhere, paintings, beading supplies...

i'm trying to induce menstruation so sunday is not... 'horrific'. and i just found out. i don't own any parsley. i always thought it lame... just added to the plate for color. but NOW, my kingdom for some flippin' parsely tea!!! so, far today: I ate a bunch of ginger and seduced adrian before work... and still...

nothing.

if my car wasn't still in the shop, i would have this covered.

oh, but my phone is finally charging!!!

it's my brother's birthday today! and they thought it would be cool for everyone to come to tradewinds (where i do open mic) and hear me do what i do. we shall see how it all works out... it's an earlier activity than my family had planned for. we're all night owls!

my friends start coming in tonight!!! alfaspider in her, grand tour of amurica, and ablysstic with her man, jacob... tomorrow more arrive and wheee!

it's on! :D

uh... hmmm

Wed, 24 Jun 2009 22:19:46 GMT

so my car broke again (same thing that got fixed a week ago)... stuck in reverse. how symbolic. :P

my phone isn't charging.

and i have cramps and i am begging the Universe to let me flow NOW and not any moment later... *makes raspberry sound*

complaining bites!

i had my bachlorette party on monday night and it was a complete blast! i don't seem to remember much past 1 am... woke up with the sash still on... :P good, good times... lots and lots of red wine and dancing... pinning the penis on the target, etc...

tomorrow the videographer is coming to do some 'interviews' with us for the wedding video. huh.

and now i gotta go 'cuz i have some musical friends coming over to practice...

best of thoughts! :D

a certain anxiety

Thu, 18 Jun 2009 05:55:17 GMT

so... i'm definitely strarting to freak out a bit. i think, in large part, it's pms and... anyone who knows me knows that can be pretty frightful without any OTHER stressor... but yeah... i feel myself... idunno

i freaked out on adrian for nothing tonight. and yeah, i have some stuff... but it's really magnified... i KNOW most guys are NOT into the wedding planning and all of that. it doesn't help that my cooworker was talking about the excel spreadsheet her fiance made for their wedding in SEPTEMBER... that i'm thinking WOW... i wish i had that kind of help, you know?

we went to get our marriage license today. had to hold our hands to the air and swear to whatever she asked us. and then at the end told us how i would go about changing my name. and i had told adrian it took a bunch of money to change my name (because i thought it so and didn't really want to change it), and she goes on and on about how i should do it, and adrian pipes up, 'is there a cost to that?' and she says, 'oh, no... it's free.' and details the rest of the protcol, 'take this document to the dmv, take that license to the social security... blah blah blah'. and i say, 'but i don't have to change my name, right?' and she says, 'no.' and shoots me a disapproving look, 'but it's your only chance to do so. you'll have 3 months to decide. after that, there's no turning back.'

and i'm thinking. i could always do it at ANY time and pay 500 bucks but wow... what pressure.

and WHY do i NOT want to change my name? because i have a website entitled www.kellyannehoward.com, because i have this whole artistic enterprise based off of me, my name, my style, my voice, influence and brand... clothes, books, paintings, photographs, music, spoken word...

i just feel like i need to find some sort of legal advice on the matter. can i trademark my name? i don't think i can. i think it has to be name + something eg enterprise, productions, etc. ideally, i'd like to use my name as a public moniker and change it my married name. but, i'm unsure if i legally change my name that i won't have any rights to use it.

bizarre!!!

i rented 'bride wars' from amazon the other day (when the car was broken and i was stuck at home) and watched it on the computer. i needed something/someone to make fun off all this bullsh*t. and it IS... BS. the details are devilish because that's where the mess begins. i was always messy with my endgame... no real patience or competive spirit... i just want to play. don't have to win... and here... i need to achieve a predicted end result.

there is just to do.

i know that in so many areas of my life... what to do... and yet, find the impending leaves me distracted in avoidance of the weight.

rambles

Sun, 14 Jun 2009 18:11:56 GMT

i got out of my shift last night at the last minute because my street flooded. florida's so weird. at noon it was 98 degrees (feels like 112 with humidity they said), at 3 it turned black, rained a torrential downpour that collected in my streets with at least a foot or more of water, and the temp dropped to 68. 30 degrees and 2 feet of water later... :P so, after it drained a bit i went to the grocery store, bought fresh local shrimp (which i rarely do), stopped at the little quickimart for a pack of cigarettes, started my car, reversed it and went to put it in 1st... and the shifter just free ranged all over the place but not to any known gear. i was stuck in reverse and was in an extremely awkward position. i took my foot off the clutch. the car violently stalled. i started it back up, tried to drive... i was still in reverse. so, i parked very inappropriately, told the guy in the store i'd be back... grabbed my fresh shrimp et al and walked home.

eh.

at first, i thought it was the transmission and i walked home thinking, 'we'll liquidate all 3 cars and take a payment on a newer one.' i was in total shock. which, i think, is good for me... 'cuz i tend to emotionally react where emotion can't really help me, you know? :P this morning i got it towed. i googled it last night and i think it's just the gear lever that broke... not a big deal at all! :) yay!!! :D

bad time to be car-less. i've got some stuff to do.

i went to get my hair done for the wedding... a practice run, that is. it took 3 hours. i would bold that if i knew how. and guess what? i didn't like it. i'm 34. i don't want 'prom hair'. so... now to find a way to communicate my wishes without being offensive. i was going to dye it red and now, i'm scared to let her do that. if she liked what she did before, you know? i can't come back from dying it... not like i could go home and take out all 50 pins and 3 rubber bands! :s

i bought the crate taxi tx15 (a portable little amplifer that operates on batteries) for the wedding ceremony. one of my friends already has a peavey solo so with the flute and his guitar hooked into that... we couldn't hear the other guitarist at all. anywho, it came. i plugged it in to charge, following the instructions, and it won't charge. flippin' crate! i had heard a lot of bad things about their quality control recently. so, i had to buy a peavey solo too just to cover the loss of the crate. i'm sure they'll do 'something' to make it workable but i doubt that will be in time for the wedding.

we didn't get the band we wanted. but, i think that's probably a good thing. a band becomes a focal point, it's loud, peoplel feel 'obligated' to pay attention to the players (as it should be)... but, it's not a show. it's my wedding reception. so, we decided to go with a dj and an open stage (since the place will be full of musicians), that way people can go up and do a few songs and then the dj takes control and mc's for announcements, keeps a flow kind of a thing. plus, i'd like to play. ! ;D

my bachlorette party is next monday! i'm excited about that! i just want the crazy sex presents and all the laughs that come with that. i'm always so shocked/disturbed/amused by the things people use sexually. the farthest i ventured was to order some tantra books! :D

i ordered a kadillion beads to make necklaces for the bridal party. i dropped the iolite engagement ring, accepted an heirloom one (my grandmommy's :), and decided to incorporate the iolite into necklaces. so... i'm learning how to do that. i'll update with a photo of my 1st work of art! :D it's weird. and COOL!

we went to the mall last week to get adrian's wedding garb and we were both so horrified. i don't think i've been in a mall in 15 years. my biggest thing: it was soooooooo loud in there. and not anything specific. you couldn't hear loud voices or music, or clanging or anything you could pick out. it was white noise. like the snow on the tv. and i thought to myself, as i looked around, no one can hear this? adrian could. to me, it sounded like... when you're really sick and your own voice sounds like it's coming from a tin can on top a mountain in argentina. that's how i sounded to myself as we sat in the food court eating sushi. it gave me a wicked headache instantly!

here's where we're staying on our 2nd night of the honeymoon before we head up to the smokies. try the virtual tour! it's kinda cool. http://www.westcotthouse.com/virginia.html it's a sweet little b & b in town on the water... with private balconies to the water side and historic downtown. double jacuzzi and dual showerheads along with that decor and the color of those walls... that's what i really saw, you know? :D oh. and that horric tv. i might ask them to take that out... it's big, clunky, ugly, distracting and NOT going to be used so...

well, i should go do something productive. ... hmmm

see you soon! :D

full moon rising

Sun, 07 Jun 2009 05:52:02 GMT

crazy full moon energy abound! i began my day with this crazy nightmare of a tornado and telling adrian we have to leave and him not believing me... then, as i open the door and he sees the billowing, bustling, dark tempest he says, 'yeah, you're right! let's go.' i've saved my cat at least 10 times in various dreams this week.

i'm starting feel some stress.

i'm hoping it'll pass with the moon's phase. my day just continued in a stressful way: toothpaste in my hair, late, rain/floods, hectic/confusing worknight... but, really... i have nothing to complain about.

i'm just venting... but who wants to hear that? i certaintly don't! :D

eh. i'm feeling fragmented... like i have alllllllllllllll these things/details hovering and juggling around me and where i normally would be able to process them into priority/association... i'm barely remembering them. my world is a constant list that keeps growing my mind... this is what servers call a 'waitmare'... taking in soooooo much information and never being able to process it in any meaningful way eg you keep getting sat tables and can only take orders never reaching a computer to fulfill them. it's a most disturbing dream. but, i'm living it.

i met with a photographer today. she was really cool. she showed me her portfolio and i signed papers and such... truly we chatted like school girls with excitement. i really liked her! :) told her all about the various plans we have for the wedding... how it will probably not be very traditional... i forgot to tell her i invited another photographer as well. i probably should... when i told her that a guy contacted me to do an 'arty' film/video of the wedding she didn't look very happy. but, from my perspective... it's just people in the audience, hopefully no one will get in anyone's way... they'll be somewhat corralled. :P i mean, everyone has a different eye. i ony accepted 2 photographers. i don't think that should be an issue. everyone will be taking pictures anyway, you know?

but so i guess i agreed to the video... i am both excited and concerned simultaneously. he wanted to do 'interviews' with us separately on camera about how we met and whatever... then, i got this weird feeling like i suddenly agreed to a reality show or something. :O

i have alot to do... i'm going to take a huge posterboard and map out the days and write on them what has to be done on what day because i'm just loosing myself here... and i realize my mom always has a smaller version on her desk with bills/deadlines/dates/etc... and WOW... i guess, it makes things easier... just makes me realize how UNscheduled i am. i don't like the click of the clock... and yet, it's june 7th... this part always gives me small panic attacks.

ok. much love!
:)

morality

Thu, 04 Jun 2009 05:56:42 GMT

adrian came home tonight disheveled.... said he was 'mugged' by some 16 year olds... attempted mugging, i should say....

they accosted him ,followed him and then he reacted in violence. came home and fretted that he hurt another.

my reaction:

'i would've killed 'em'

if it were me, and they attacked me in any way, i would've defended myself to the best of my abililty and if it means they got hurt...

they would've gotten hurt.

i don't have anything else to say. he did what i would want him to do... protect himself! in the future, he should take precautions: ride his bike instead of walking... but, if it were me... what would he want me to do?

the only thing he did...

protect himself.

and i would not think on it again. when the police come and i'm covered in blood... i would tell them what happened. but, i'm not going to give my life to some 16-year olds who want some drug money easily. no.

i'll flee. and if i can't flee. i'll fight. as i would expect ANY able body to do. he was upset that he went further than he needed to... some delayed reaction from getting viciously mugged in jax beach. where the guys beat his head into the curb and broke his front teeth with a gun. so, i suggested counseling for that... but still. he did the right thing. what are you supposed to do when you're accosed with physical violence? protect yourself! he had 3 fucking dollars with him. do you think they would've believed that before they beat him silly? i don't.

and i don't think this is a violent place to live. i don't. but, like in ALL places... one needs to take precautions. if you look drunk, walking down the street alone at night... you might figure you're a walking duck. just saying... be smart, yall. get a cab, ride a bike, get a ride. whatever... just don't be stupid. i guess, being a female... i have a wholly differen perspective. i've been taught, my whole life, to avoid situations like he encountered. i walk with my key sticking out of my fist... ALWAYS, at night... i've lived in orlando and tampa and think even though jacksonville has the highest murder count... i know crime.

i was almost carjacked TWICE in orlando. i had a group of guys surround my car, one jumped on top while another slid his bike under my tires... we used to listen to the cops shooting back at whoever in tampa almost every night. my cars had almost no paint on the interior from the amount of prying by chisels or whathaveyou to get in... i am a defensive, crazy ass short b*tch.

i will attack and let the details fall into line after the fact. because i KNOW it's the best course of action for ME. but, i would avoid the situation he encountered tonight. i would not have beeb walking by myself, buzzed, after midnight. but, i'm a woman. i think it's good advice for anyone. even if there's only 12,000 people who live in your town.

but who am i talking to? :) i am going to get some little mace can for my keys though. it always helps to have the leg up. i guess this is my lj public service announcement to alert everyone to take care and stay alert.

just don't put yourself in a situtation where you wouldn't put someone you love.

that's a great thought in all things! :)

much love

uh, more wedding stuffs!

Tue, 02 Jun 2009 21:35:27 GMT

i guess everyone will be happy when this part of journal is over, huh? :P

florida REQUIRES that we read a family law handbook http://www.clk.co.st-johns.fl.us/recording/familyla.htm   before issuing us a marriage license. then, we have to wait 3 days... like we were getting a gun or something. do you think they'll test us on the info in the handbook? how do they know if we read it or not?!

i got 1/4 through it and it seems like they're almost trying to talk you out of the whole thing.

and then there are REALLY stupid sentences like 'It is more than legal permission to have consensual sexual relations with your partner.' legal permission to have consensual sex with my partner??? just how and when did the gov't take authority over the private sexual acts of adults? i guess they do still have blue laws on the books in georgia that prohibit fellatio. :D

anywho...

i'm getting really excited about the ceremony. i wrote my vows last night. and tomorrow we're having our first musicians practice for the ceremony. this one will be in the backyard and the next one will be at the beach so we can figure out how all the instruments sound against the roar of the waves and the wind and such. i love my musicial friends!!! :) i have 7 players for the ceremony: 3 hand percussionists (djembe, congas and bongos), 2 acoustic guitarists (and a looper that works on batteries!), a sax player and a flutist. we've got a little microphone and battery-powered amp for the flute. oh, yeah! it's on, baby!  :D it's going to be so hard for me to not play something with them! :)

i love your gentle character;
the patience and generousity
which pour from your actions
into the lives around you.

you teach me tolerance,
faith and acceptance,
and soothe me against a chaotic world.

i love that you will always do the right thing
even when society tells you its wrong;
and the example of morality you set
from following your heart
balances the entirety for us all...

a reminder to stay true to ourselves
and each other.

i vow to stay by your side through the grand
and the grim;
to find happiness in your smile
and saddness from your frown;
to place my heart with yours
in the decisions we make,
to listen to you,
care for you,
adore you,
fight for you,
and be your partner in all things to come.

i promise to appreciate
every moment we share
regardless of the emotion involved
or the circumstance around us;
and to thank the Universe
for aligning us in our paths
in this Divine union
of husband and wife.

our love is as seamless as the sky above
unstitched in hue or line
and i sleep each night with a smile
to know that your heart lies with mine.

i AM with W dress! :D

Tue, 02 Jun 2009 00:45:16 GMT

i got my wedding dress! :) i'm not sure if i mentioned that or not. i drove down to sarasota (4.5 hours ONE way) and picked it myself, thought it better that way, you know? did NOT try it on... had it for a few days and last night...

went over to the neighbors and tried it on.

i really thought it would fit perfectly. but, my friend jennie looked at it and said, 'that's like MY size!' and she's a 36 CC or something... i'm a 34 a! :P that was the first moment that i started to sweat. it took 3 girls to get me into that contraption. they threw it up into the air and i ran under it. but, i got stuck, and couldn't see the heavenly ceiling but only layers and layers of various fabrics. "follow my arm," i hear.... begining to feel claustrophobic and QUITE warm, running out air, my hand finds hers and climbs the distance to colder air. my other arm shoots forth in a direct line to the ceiling. they pull the gown down and i'm in! :) it's hot. my other friend tries to clasp the back shut, 'you've got like an inch here kel. it's too small.'

'too small?!' how's THAT? 'are you kidding me?' i'm 5' 2", 108 lbs... 'no... hold up. this'll work!' i rip off my bra, they push me to the wall with my arms outstretched like i'm getting frisked... and they begin to lace the corset. pulling me this way and that, i'm thinking of all the women in the past who wore corsets EVERYDAY and did stuff.... like chores and farming and how utterly f*cking crazy that is. the moment of truth, the corset laced as tight as it'll go... rosale pulls the clasp together.

'i got it!' she declares. i'm in. i'm REALLY in it. but i can't see myself, the mirror is a good 4 steps back and i'm ENTRENCHED in gown... the girls oooh and ahhhh and i'm like, 'what? how's it look?' 'ummm.... someone help me get to a mirror please!' and then i see myself as we put the veil over my hair and experiment with hairstyles... and it's soooo utterly undeniable. almost shocking really... to see oneself in a traditional wedding dress. like,

here's a moment of my life, like a stepping stone, and it'll all zoom by and coalesce with the next, forming a seamless cloud of memory i'll have in my aging days... and this moment, to see myself for the first time as a bride... soldifies the day, the week, the month and the whole process makes me gooey inside.

i realized: never in my life will i have so many people who i care about and them me in the same room at the same time again... and they're all coming (from all over the globe :) to share this celebration of love with me because they love me and me them... and THAT is such an endearing, wonderful human thing.

i'm glad we didn't elope.

someone remind of that in the weeks to come... as the details chase my smile.

but, can you imagine? i didn't try on ONE wedding dress. not ONE. found my dress on craigslist. bought on pics and feel... drove a gabillion miles to get her, and like cinderalla... fits like a glove... naturally.

uncanny! :) and awesome! i'm soooooooo grateful! :D

best wishes to everyone this fine monday evening!!! :) much love!

please share me to anywhere! :)

Mon, 01 Jun 2009 01:19:48 GMT

hi!

i posted this last week but didn't include the easy reference page to help you post it somewhere... so, here's that: http://adsupport.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=rockthespace.fan&sproutid=5wC-Ze_UBKmNFAYe

thank you thank you thank you thank you!!! :D

anyone know of some fun songs?!

Fri, 29 May 2009 04:43:24 GMT

i'm looking for some really great FUN music to play at the reception between bands. so far i've got some: de-phazz, slackers, duffy, stevie wonder... see where i'm going with this? kinda a disco and/or latin kinda feel... something lively and danceable for all ages.

ideas?! :D

thanks in advance for any effort involved...

share me please! :D

Mon, 25 May 2009 05:35:36 GMT

wedding dress entry

Sat, 23 May 2009 19:35:58 GMT

so, like i said before... i'm not a girly girl. i'd just assume wear draw-string linen pants a tank top and flip flops.. it IS florida, after all. BUT, that would make a lot of people talk if i got married that way. :P so, i set off to find a comparable offering: what I think is 'sexy' and/or classically beautiful. so... my 1st choice: a form fitting, burn out silk, mermaid gown with a sweatheart's neckline.

BUT, beige is the only color it comes in and beige is my WORST color. i have a beige dress. and when i put it on, i can't find me against the wall behind me... hmmm

then there was the idea that i should get a 'wedding' dress. and then, i loved this one:

'cept i would never do my hair that way... no feathers please! ever! gorgeous though... and perfect for my frame. alas, this one is a christina wu and is like a grand or 300 if you have it made in china from that picture with inferior fabrics. so... no.

this one i found very classical. but, it's like 400 dollars for a dress i'm NEVER going to wear again. that's just crazy. sorry for the link, they're weird about stealing pics. as i found, they should, there is a huge market on 'based on' designs from china, etc. but really guys... no one owns an idea. once you put it out there it's there for the world to copy. no, sorry, not copy (that's illegal here) let's say: translate or promulgate
http://www.bridalonlinestore.com/Collection/displayimage.asp?image=ella-front-b.jpg&i=34326605975

then, i thought... why white/ivory??? i look best in BLUE. but this dress is also 300 dollars and sorta looks like a bridesmaid's costume.

then, i just lost all hope of getting the right: look, fit, price, availability... i thought- sarong! it's the beach. also, this piece of silk is 160 dollars. my friend came over and saw it and said, 'why don't you just wear a sheet?' and that displeased me.

then, my mom said, 'have you tried other cities on craigslist?' and i hadn't. we found a great dress in vegas where they live, called and it was sold 'yesterday'... :( THEN, i crazedlist.org (if you don't know about that- it's craigslist for mulitple cities!!!) florida and found my dress in sarasota. i 'thought' i knew where sarasota is but apparently it's more south than i had imagined in my mind. my closest friend would have to drive 2 hours one way to get it. so, i thought long and hard... went to facebook, 'anyone know anyone in sarasota?'... moments later, an old childhood friend chirps out, 'i do!'... and thus began, 'mission (im)possible' *dant dant dant ~ dant da da dant dant dant ~ da da* it's a maggie sottero- 'pia'... and the lady who posted the pics of her in it... looks WAY better than that model (i can't handle feathers in hairdos) and she's my size, so i have hope the dress won't swallow me. she had it altered to fit my height actually... our height. :) AND, it's 125. she's holding it for me until thursday. 'till then, think good thoughts for me please! :)

the back is awesome! and i wouldn't normally like things like that. but her pictures, in blk/wht of the back of her dress were AMAZING! very paintable!!! very, very nice! :) anyone know of any good products that cover up tattos? something that won't rub onto the dress?

chocolate portrait take I

Mon, 18 May 2009 20:36:53 GMT

livejournal is such a strange place for me alot of the time. i just realized i've had this journal a little over 5 years and i'm really very thankful for it. such a nice record of thoughts/times/emotions/etc...

and it's kind of a place to hide. :)

so, i'm making a chocolate portrait for the groom's cake and i needed to try it all out first sooooo... i just did a chocolate portrait last night. it was my 1st. and this was just practice. the next one will be oodles better! i have to get something completely flat for this...

what you need to make a chocolate portrait: some wine, a photo... some space, a spoon, wax paper, oh, and chocolate! :D

then, like anything else... start with the first layer

there are more photos of the process www.flickr.com/photos/22688973@N04/sets/72157618438473258/ i'm just feeling lazy... it's raining. :)

Writer's Block: BFF

Sat, 16 May 2009 04:42:39 GMT

Who was your first friend on LiveJournal? Are they still on your Friends list?

View 501 Answers

ablysstic moved to china for a year or two and asked me to check in on her through her journal. so, i started mine. and YES, she's still on my list... as a matter of fact, she's coming down from NY to be a bridesmaid at my wedding next month! :)

rummyj was my first internet friend. we've never met in real life but we've been friends online for 5 years! and YES, she's still on my list! as i hope she will always be... :D

What Superlative Are You?

Fri, 15 May 2009 19:33:07 GMT

You Would Be Voted Most Outspoken

In school, you were often the first person to raise your hand in class.
You always had something to say, and you weren't afraid to say it.
You were well known for being politically active and controversial.
And while people may not have agreed with you all the time, they appreciated you speaking your mind.

What Superlative Are You?

check out my new painting! ala rip off artist todd picquelle

Tue, 12 May 2009 21:03:03 GMT

this guy is a total jack*ss! and everyone should know: blog.fluidcreativity.co.uk/index.php/how-todd-picquelle-stole-graphic-design-and-didnt-get-away-with-it/

alumni question

Sun, 10 May 2009 21:18:04 GMT

anyone get crap from their old university to give money to the alumni foundation? i get those all the time and i KNOW what those are...

but today, i received an invitation to a reception being held here in st auggie for alumni & friends... if i go are they going to ask me for money?

am i being stupid and should just know that ANYTHING associated with alumni is a money-grabbing farce??? 'cuz i'd like to go and mingle, network, chat, socialize... and maybe eat n drink. :P

thoughts?!

and

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO ALL THE MOTHERS OUT THERE!!! :D good job guys!

What's Your Personality Cluster?

Sun, 10 May 2009 20:02:14 GMT

Your Personality Cluster is Extraverted Intuition

You are:

You are a true wordsmith and a master of words.
You are original, spontaneous, and a true inspiration.
Highly energetic, you are up for any challenge.
You are entertaining and engaging... both to friends and strangers

What's Your Personality Cluster?

whatever

Thu, 07 May 2009 03:48:26 GMT

i'm officially stressed out and it's not june yet.

i don't have a wedding dress. and i'm soooo weirded out that i'm freaking out... but, i AM.

i don't like fashion. never had a moment for it before. i like music, art, poetry, mystery... comedy, tragedy... whatever, but leave the costume changes to someone else because i have ALWAYS had other things to consider: philosophy, art, religion, languages and the linguistics beneath, travel, cultures, nature... but fashion lives on trends, which are fabricated cycles based upon whims, meant to be short-lived.

i don't get that.

it's like dada art.

i don't get that either. and for the latter, that's the point! :P

the last few weeks, i've done a crash course on fashion. i know my best colors, lines, silhouettes, etc. i've done so much research it's ridiculous. but i haven't gone shopping, in real life, i've done alot online.
i despise clothes shopping. not sure why...

i love grocery shopping (i'll spend hours down each aisle, reading the ingredients of my curiosity), plant shopping, musical instrument procuring eg pawnshops or craigslist, art supplies, home depot... even home furnishings... bath supplies, HAIR supplies (i'm such a sucker)...

but clothes.

no.

the trends change so often i'm confused. and lest i fail, i opt out. i grasp for classic styles as i know if i adhere to those forms i don't have to check the calender.

but now... i'm getting married. and i sooooo would like to look amazing. but i've got alot to contend with: pale skin, blonde hair, on the beach... in a white dress? ivory might be worse... i could die my hair red, a few people suggested i get a spray tan (which just freaks me out. i can't even IMAGINE myself tan... and on my wedding day? somehow red hair is easier to accept, i mean my hair's strawberry blonde), i could wear a different color dress eg blue... but lest i become a huge white dot of 'contrast' on the photo... i've got some plannin' to do.

i know i ideally would like a fitted silk/tafida/chiffon gown with a sweetheart V-line, spaghetti straps and fishtail/mermaid/trumpet hem... ideally in periwinkle/cornflower/sky blue... but then i'd almost look like a bridesmaid because of the tradition in this country for the bride to wear white... such crap! grrrrrrr!

i decline fashion one again (not to be mistaken for my last post, that was NOT me! :P) and i'm going shopping tomorrow just like mr. smith went to washington! wish me luck. may i find the best design for my style and whim! :P

tomorrow i'm off to some vintage shops and maybe a designer shop or two... a 'mall' :S... and if i'm not completely done by then, a bridal shop :P ha! ahhahaha. i'll be drinking by noon, i can tell... (just kidding, i won't even by up till 11).

happy early thursday! :D